Morning News

I swear, if the next update I put up on this blog is anything but the track “Impossible,” I’m going to send Dave a virus through MSN. I’ve never done that to anyone before, nor would I even know where to begin. I just know I can do it because Hollywood tells me I can do it because I have yellow skin and slanted eyes. In fact, I almost did it today. But good thing for Dave, he made promises:

Dave - Fruit Should Not Look Surprised... says:

morning

- www.soulplanemusic.com [UPDATED] says:

When was the last time you got some sleep?

Dave - Fruit Should Not Look Surprised... says:

i got some sleep last night

Dave - Fruit Should Not Look Surprised... says:

maily cuz i downd a bottle of gin when the band left

- www.soulplanemusic.com [UPDATED] says:

LoL that always helps

Dave - Fruit Should Not Look Surprised... says:

hahah true that

Dave - Fruit Should Not Look Surprised... says:

but i was going to send you the song last night but there are a few things i want to change... now that i can with the new comp

Dave - Fruit Should Not Look Surprised... says:

so look for the song tonight

Dave - Fruit Should Not Look Surprised... says:

or perhaps the weee hours of the morning

Dave - Fruit Should Not Look Surprised... says:

lol

- www.soulplanemusic.com [UPDATED] says:

Haha perfect, man. I'd just like to get that other track up as soon as possible so that these promohomos don't kick us off the tour for never giving them anything

- www.soulplanemusic.com [UPDATED] says:

Not that I even care that much about the tour, personally.

- www.soulplanemusic.com [UPDATED] says:

It's just something to do besides masturbate.

Dave - Fruit Should Not Look Surprised... says:

well im sure you could do it in conjunctioon with masterbating

Dave - Fruit Should Not Look Surprised... says:

lol

- www.soulplanemusic.com [UPDATED] says:

That's EXACTLY why Soul Plane isn't allowed to perform at the El Mocambo anymore

Somebody stop me.

Patiently Waitin'

So I was innocently surfing the internet for some girl-on-horse action when I suddenly got a call from Dave (just the man I need to hear from when I’m right about to play with myself) with the worst news ever:

“Hey man, what’s going on? I’m just going to be straight up with you right now… I know I was supposed to get “Impossible” to you by today, but the computers here just ruined my life; the new computer should be coming tonight… it’s a Quad-Core, so I think we’ll be good for a while. Lemme assure you, though, that all of your shit is safe… so it’s not a total disaster, just a couple days’ delay…”

No kidding. It could have been a lot worse. He could have lost all our recordings, and then most likely his life, at the hands of say, Blythe.

I am to check in with him on Saturday night. The waiting game is one we’re getting very good at playing.

You will all hear the track like, within the hour that it makes its way from the studio console to my USB drive. Stay real tuned…

March Madness

I’m not a businessman; I’m a business, man.

-- Hovis, on Kanye West’s “Diamonds From Sierra Leone Remix”

There’s a reason (maybe several) that this blog has been left neglected since I put “No Worries” up for your listening pleasure at the end of February (aside from the MSN conversation between Conor and myself that I posted). After having gone into hiding for the last several weeks, I emerge proudly from the depths of my dooj den with this announcement: Machinehead Studio and Soul Plane have partnered up for a grand total of one philanthropic commitment and one business venture.

Machinehead Studio’s Mayor Dave has expressed great interest in the charity movement that I am in the midst of putting together. He has offered up Machinehead Studio to Soul Plane’s Off The Street, Onto Beats Foundation (see Charity Case blog -- December 9, 2007) as the primary location for our kids to record music at, and has even volunteered his production, mixing and mastering services to the foundation in hopes of pushing our cause even further. Our conversation went something along these lines:

Dave: Oh, and yeah, about that charity thing you were telling me about last time… we’re definitely signing up for that. Just email Harrison all the paperwork.
Yui: I appreciate it, man, that’s big news. Didn’t know you were one of those, “it’s better to give than to receive” types.
Dave: Unless it’s oral sex.
Yui: At which point you’ll give only if he promises to give back.
Dave: Right.

Very professional.

The best part of the double whammy though: on behalf of Soul Plane, I will be teaming up with Dave and Machinehead Studio to help kickstart a curriculum the studio will soon be offering: courses on how to set up a proper studio, and how to use that studio to produce that industry-quality sound once it’s set up (software and hardware) so that one day you, too, can be your very own Dave. Believe it or not, there is glory and reward in mixing music around the clock, 28 hours a day, 12 days a week. There is glory and reward in being permanently hooked to an espresso machine via an intravenous unit in order to turn those all-nighters into all-weekers so that deadlines can be made. There is glory and reward in opening the door at ungodly hours looking like a crack addict searching for a next fix for angry shotgun-wielding bands who want their demos, like, three weeks ago.

The details here are still hazy, but the talks are in session. The gist of it is that I will be helping out with the administrative processes and the managing of student accounts once we generate enough interest and acquire some kind of attendance. Here’s how I closed the deal:

Yui: At which point you’ll give only if he promises to give back.
Dave: Right.
Yui: I’ll give back.

Just kidding. Here’s how it really went:

Yui: Yo, you really know your way around this Pro Tools thing, huh?
Dave: Yessir, please believe it.
Yui: How much is it to learn all this mumbojumbo at like, Harris or Trebas?
Dave: Altogether, what with Harris and Metalworks (recording arts schools), I think I’ve spent way over $20,000 on this.
Yui: How the hell can people afford that?
Dave: They don’t. I prostituted myself.
Yui: Why don’t you offer lessons yourself? I’m sure there are people out there who want to learn this shit without having to memorize the scientific definition of a “decibel.” You could offer an actual Pro Tools course, like, how to use it and what not… how to make seriously quality-sounding music. Obviously you’ll be able to charge much less than those schools. Don’t cram it with all the theoretical stuff no one cares about, but mince it out and make it hands-on… incorporate it, you know? You could get real professional with it, too, and write out a whole curriculum… make it a 6 week course, 2 sessions a week, 2 hours per session… or whatever.
Harrison: Fuck, that’s gold. He’s right. I could write a better curriculum than Harris in my sleep.
Dave: That’s actually not a bad idea…
Yui: We’ll do this together. Charge whatever you want to charge, and keep all the profits; I could care less about the money. I will put in work for you, though… I can handle the admin stuff. I’ll work with Harrison. We can definitely make it happen. All I ask in return is that you take care of Soul Plane and let us have the privilege of calling Machinehead Studio our home base to record and produce our music. Your payment for this will be the work I do for the school.
Dave: Bartering… I like it. Sounds good to me!

Sounds good to me, too, buddy. Sounds even better to Soul Plane. But it’s not like I’m not going to try and sneak in under the radar and sweeten the deal:

Yui: Also, I’m going to be requiring one of those Machinehead Studio polo shirts. XXL. Thanks.
Harrison: You fucking conniving bastard.

Finally, in other, perhaps more pertinent news, I just spoke to Dave not too long ago… we will be getting our next radio single, entitled “Impossible,” next Wednesday. What a thinks it’s not going to be ass-kickage. I’m not even going to be able to sleep until then.

Why We Suck (For Now)

Contrary to all appearances, Conor is still very much alive and well, and still very much Soul Plane’s manager. This MSN conversation I had with him yesterday reflects our present situation as a band. Before you go on reading, bear in mind that Conor is not at all responsible for our forced inactivity as a band this winter season; in fact, no one can really be blamed. It was our decision to re-record a demo so that we wouldn’t be trying to promote music that wasn’t entirely ours. Here’s why our current state of stagnant shittyness is about to change, and why it wasn’t even such a bad thing in the first place:

www.soulplanemusic.com says:

WE NEED SHOWS

- www.soulplanemusic.com says:

You have a track now... another track should be on its way shortly...

Can you work with these two to get us shows by like, early spring? (Like, weather-wise, not calendar-wise).

- www.soulplanemusic.com says:

No one wants to come out in this shitty weather anyway

- www.soulplanemusic.com says:

Let's focus on running shit when the leaves on the trees come back

Keener Cutz says:

that's the thing, with only 2 tracks it's like wtf....i would ONLY be able to get shows based on the people i know, and even then that's difficult...i'm trying to find out a way to get some sort of following, rather then have to ask my peeps...me and you gotta sit down and discuss it...but wit only 2 tracks, im finding it more and more difficult to promote it...i wanna sit down with you and figure

Keener Cutz says:

it out

www.soulplanemusic.com says:

Would it make THAT much a difference if you had the whole demo in your hands?

- www.soulplanemusic.com says:

The demo will only be three tracks longer than the two that're going to available for working with...

- www.soulplanemusic.com says:

But if it is what it is, we need a contingency plan.

Keener Cutz says:

it's just tough...i can promote the shit out of it and drop it at a bunch of studios and promote it that way...but the only plan i can think of is once the demo is released we book a night at El Mo or at some bar and invite a whole ton of industry people...but in terms of other shows that I can get, right now it's just difficult with only 2 songs on a Cd-R....like in order to have gotten wakestock

Keener Cutz says:

i had to give them the last demo...it looked pro...if i had just given a blank cd they woulda thrown it back in my face

Keener Cutz says:

like im down to promote it, most def...im down to manage it...but the only options i see is if we can get in good with a bar or some place and do shows there, establish a base and keep hassling labels to come out and watch

www.soulplanemusic.com says:

But okay, so you're saying that until we put a professional-looking piece of work in your hand, we won't be getting great shows?

Keener Cutz says:

it's just gonna be tough thats all

- www.soulplanemusic.com says:

It's gotta look good? I mean, I can understand, I just need you to tell me EXACTLY what you need to get us the shows of the calibre you got us last year.

- www.soulplanemusic.com says:

Forget about what's tough and what's not. What do YOU need to make it WORK. I'll make the rest happen.

Keener Cutz says:

i would prefer having the demo...only cuz that way i can start promoting to studios

Keener Cutz says:

which i want

Keener Cutz says:

im good bro...but i need to have a full arsenal of shit to do what i do

- www.soulplanemusic.com says:

THen that's what you'll have.

Keener Cutz says:

not just 2 tracks on a sony cdr

- www.soulplanemusic.com says:

Exactly. I needed to know exactly what you consider a "full arsenal."

- www.soulplanemusic.com says:

I understand

- www.soulplanemusic.com says:

Don't worry.

- www.soulplanemusic.com says:

You'll get what you need, and I won't expect too much from you until you have it

Keener Cutz says:

aright well when can u get it

- www.soulplanemusic.com says:

That's on Dave. See, I'd rather NOT rush and have him make it a GREAT product. Essentially he told me that the more time we give him, the better a job he does on it

- www.soulplanemusic.com says:

I told him that we don't need it until early June.

- www.soulplanemusic.com says:

So he's got EONS to work it

- www.soulplanemusic.com says:

Does that sound too late to put the demo in your hands?

Keener Cutz says:

that's ok

Keener Cutz says:

it will be good weather then

Keener Cutz says:

which is a plus

Keener Cutz says:

but yo i gotta go...we will discuss this more later

I’ll probably never hear from him again.

Coming up: It’s definitely not all quiet on the Western Front… big news on the way regarding Soul Plane’s new philanthropic and business partnership with Machinehead Studio, as well as news regarding a second radio edit on its way... check back!